Vasectomy: $400. Speechless look on her face: priceless.

[psi29a]

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sea/274495936.html

Date: 2007-02-06, 2:24PM PST

I'll try to sum up a funny story that happened a few years ago:

I got a vasectomy.

I met a girl soon afterwards. She was nice and attractive but with a selfish streak that raised a big red flag. She was 32 at the time and I could practically HEAR her biological clock ticking. Regardless, she was a good lay, easy on the eyes, and reasonably good company.

I did NOT tell her about my vasectomy and I always used a condom with her to protect against STDs. She assumed, obviously, that the condom was only used for birth control. Silly girl.

We date for a few months. I never made any move towards commitment but she brought it up ocassionally. For me, this was a casual but pleasant relationship. For her - as I was to find out - it was part of life-changing series of events that she was planning very carefully.

Four months into dating, I get the "I'm pregnant" talk. She's going on and on about how the condom must have broke and now we really need to think about getting married "for the baby". She's positively giddy. She has a baby in her and she thinks she's gonna have a good meal ticket (me) to go along with her new 7lb annuity.

At this point, I'm just as giddy. I get to pull the reverse "oops" on her. I figured that she slept with some bad boy and got knocked up. Good thing I was using condoms! Better still that I have a serious mistrust of women who can't think beyond their own uteri.

So I wait a couple of days to "think about all this." I meet her again. I say I don't want kids and that she should have an abortion. I know where this is going and sure enough it goes there. She goes completely batshit insane on me. There were the usual insults about my manhood. There were threats of legal action. It was all very ugly and I was loving every minute of it.

Well, I let her stew for a few days. She leaves me nasty messages on my phone. She sends awful emails. I'm laughing hysterically.

It was time to drop the hammer. While she was stewing I was busy. First I get a notarized copy from the urologist who performed the vasectomy. Next I get a notarized copy of the TWO test results indicating a "negative test result for sperm" to show I'm sterile and shooting blanks. Finally, I get a letter from a shark attorney stating he has seen the other documents and is prepared to litigate against this woman if she continues to communicate with me in such an unpleasant manner. Also, the letter states that we will insist on DNA testing to show that the baby is not mine. I'm ready.

I meet with this woman at her place. I bring flowers and a small bit of jewelry to show I am willing to reconcile and assume my responsibilities as a new father. I also have stuck in my pocket the documents I have prepared.

She's all giddy again. Her plan is going perfectly - or so she thinks. We talk about our future. We have some pretty good sex. Then, as I am about to walk out the door, I ask her the $64,000 question. "Are you sure that this baby is mine?"

Well, she goes batshit insane again. Hell, she ought to. Her plan could completely unravel if there is ANY question about my paternity. Oh, she's really screaming now. How dare I question her morals. Do I think she's a slut. I'm just trying to weasel out of my responsibilities... blah, blah, blah, yadda, yadda, yadda.

I'm not really mad. I'm kind of embarrassed for her. But since she won't shut up and the neighbors can hear all of this, I ask her to step back inside and sit down. She sits on the sofa and calms down a bit. She is glaring at me with all the moral self-righteousness that only a woman can muster up. She thinks she has me trapped. She is 100% convinced her plan has worked. Oh, the tangled web of lies and deceit she has wrought around herself and I am about to hack through them with a few pieces of paper.

I reach into my pocket slowly. I extract the three pieces of paper and unfold them slowly and deliberately.

I tell her simply, "You're screwed".

Her look doesn't change. There is no way she can fathom what I have prepared.

I continue. "I am sterile"

Her look changes just a bit. Something is beginning to sink in. Naturally, she reverts to women's logic. "You're full of shit. You're trapped and you know it."

I hold up the letter and the test results. "Three months before we met, I had a vasectomy. Here is a notarized letter from him stating what I had done. Here are two test results showing that I tested negative for the presence of sperm. Blanks. I am shooting blanks. That baby inside you is simply not mine."

This woman is not to be swayed by logic and clear documentation. "Bullshit, those are fakes."

I was ready for that. "No, they are real. This last piece of paper is from my attorney. It's a simple letter to you that states if you pursue any kind of legal action against me for child support that I will insist on a DNA test to prove paternity, that is, to prove that your baby is not mine."

I give the woman all the documents. She reads them slowly, deliberately. With each passing second she can feel in her soul that she has made a very bad mistake. With denial swept away, she started to cry. It's a small cry at first. Then it becomes deeper and more painful. By the time she gets to the letter from the lawyer she is sobbing.

I had no sympathy for her. I turned and walked out the door. Even after I closed the door I could still hear her sobbing.

Epilogue -

I never heard directly from this woman again. I did hear through my friends that she did indeed have the baby. I also heard that the real father was some guy in a band she had met. I assumed that after 30, women stopped going after musicians, bikers, criminals, and thugs. Silly me for thinking the best of American women.

The Moral of the Story -

Get a vasectomy but keep it a secret.

[Buzkashi]

Wow. Lol. Thats one of the most ulitmate forms of pwnage I've ever heard. Like I cant believe it.

[Malvado]

He makes me smile.

[Brainpiercing]

I can't help thinking they are all twisted.

The guy for being a cold motherfucker, the woman for trying to push another guy's baby on him.

[DarkenRahlX]

I'm going to have to go with the woman cheating on him and trying to push some other dudes baby on to him.

[42ndEndOfTheWorld]

Power baby. This guy is my kind of man.

[MrFelony]

I think the bigger moral of the story is even if you've gotten a vasectomy, use a condom.

[Ayanami]

That man is twisted and no better than the woman.

[Malvado]

That man is twisted and no better than the woman.

Yes because he did nothing wrong to her. He wouldn't be twisted if he sued her ass. But I guess just letting whores manipulating you the right way to go.

And I mean whore in the way of getting pregnant by some dead beat and trying to get a good person to pay for that rat.

[Tempest]

That man is twisted and no better than the woman.

What what WHAT?

She cheated on him and lied about it to his face, and then threatens to sue the guy about it, and you think he's as bad as her.

It would have been nicer for him to tell her in the begining of the relationship or right after she got pregnant, but being an asshole is nowhere near as bad as being a lieing, cheating, manipulative bitch.

[Ayanami]

It would have been nicer for him to tell her in the begining of the relationship or right after she got pregnant, but being an asshole is nowhere near as bad as being a lieing, cheating, manipulative bitch.

That is my problem. He did not tell her just for the satisfaction of fucking with her. Say what you will about the woman, but a better man would have told the woman out right about the vasectomy so this whole trauma could have been avoided. He did not help any one by manipulating her. This man is no hero. Let alone a decent guy.

As far as I can see this guy got his feelings hurt by some broad so is on a vendetta against women. He seems rather petty to me. I view him worse than the woman now that I think about it.

[Tempest]

That is my problem. He did not tell her just for the satisfaction of fucking with her.

He never told her probably because it wasn't an issue until the very moment she said she was pregnant and didn't even present the possibility that it might not be his. If she hadn't have gone so overboard about getting married and about cheating on him then he should have told her in a calm manner, but she didn't. It's the golden rule: "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." If she didn't want to get all this dumped on he at once she should not have treated him like shit and tried to guilt him into raising a kid that both of them (most likely) knew wasn't his.

Say what you will about the woman, but a better man would have told the woman out right about the vasectomy so this whole trauma could have been avoided.

And a better woman would have let him know from the start that she wasn't 100% about him being the father.

Remind me to NEVER ask you about relationship advice from now on. EVER.

[psi29a]

he did say he would help raise the baby, it was only when he said it isn't his that she flipped out and the papers dropped.

I meet with this woman at her place. I bring flowers and a small bit of jewelry to show I am willing to reconcile and assume my responsibilities as a new father. I also have stuck in my pocket the documents I have prepared.

She's all giddy again. Her plan is going perfectly - or so she thinks. We talk about our future. We have some pretty good sex. Then, as I am about to walk out the door, I ask her the $64,000 question. "Are you sure that this baby is mine?"

Well, she goes batshit insane again. Hell, she ought to.

Sounds like to me, that he was ready for both outcomes. He was about to assume his responsibilities however she forced his hand and acted the 'pro'. I applaud him for being prepared.

[MrFelony]

ya, my guess is he knew she would blow up like that so when she told him he went and gathered proof cause he knew he'd need it.

[Ayanami]

He should have told her that he had a vasectomy a week or two after they were having sex. For christs sake it was four months into the relationship when the "I am pregnant talk" started. She didn't deserve to know that he was sterile? What a load of shit. I don't care how high and mighty this guy feels towards women, they were dating for four months. She deserves to know. This guy was intentionally holding this information incase of this kind of event. Plus he posts this whole private, or should be private affair on the fucking internet. Soon as she was pregnant, he should have told her that he was sterile to redeem himself, but he did not. He just decided to toy with her. He could have dealt with this way better but did not. He is an ass hole with some sort of vendetta towards women obviously by the demeanor he carries on his little story and the fact he got a vasectomy.

I mean come on, when he got into this relationship, sounded like he knew there was trouble ahead. Red Flags a posted as he said. Why in god's name did he stick around for four fucking months? The guy wanted trouble. This man is not noble, you know there was better way he could deal with this.

I wonder what the women of this forum have to say about this.

EDIT - I forgot to add one thing. People who think I am glorifying this women, you are wrong. She is a bad person. All I am saying is that this guy is damn near just as bad if not worse than the women. Both of these individuals are fucked up and obviously do not know how to communicate with the opposite sex.

[CowardlyHero]

imo he should have told her he was sterile when she first told him he was pregnant. would have still shut her up quick but at least then he wouldnt have come off as such an ass (though i still think its funny as hell)

[Malvado]

He should have told her that he had a vasectomy a week or two after they were having sex. She didn't deserve to know that he was sterile? What a load of shit. I don't care how high and mighty this guy feels towards women, they were dating for four months. She deserves to know. This guy was intentionally holding this information incase of this kind of event. Plus he posts this whole private, or should be private affair on the fucking internet.

It's like he has AIDS!! He can't have kids big whoop! He didn't need to tell her shit, its like telling someone that my parents gave me beatings once a week. They don't get hurt by it and she doesn't get hurt by blanks getting shot in a piece of latex.

You need to reach in your ass, pull your head out from it, and see how she was trying to fuck up his life for 18 years to come. I can't believe you. Him not being able to have kids, are you fucking serious? She isn't going to fall over and die or some shit.

Planning to ruin someone's life just because she wanted a free ride. I'm a little disappointed in him because shit the people I know would have knocked her the fuck out for saying some rascal was their child. Now change your damn Rukia avatar it is making you preachy.

[Gaiseric]

I have to agree with everyone else here. The guy had no intentions of marrying the girl or being in the relationship for a long period of time, and they were using condoms. I dont think he was obligated to to tell her. She cheated on him and then tried to fuck him over and trap him. I think he handled it nicely. Chivalry is dead, women like this killed it.

[MrFelony]

i was thinking about it last night and remembered that he told her she should get an abortion when she first told him. ya he is a giant douchapotomus

[psi29a]

i was thinking about it last night and remembered that he told her she should get an abortion when she first told him. ya he is a giant douchapotomus

He is my kind of douchapotomus. The woman slept around on him and then blamed the result on him.

This wouldn't have been a problem if she didn't press it and more importantly told him that it may or may not be his.

[nightofchaos]

Get a vasectomy but keep it a secret.

I second, and agree with you. It's something I've been recommending to all my fellow friends, if they ask, of course.

I'm getting mine, but I've only one girl in mind. So many girls have tried to change my mind, so many have tried to manipulate me, or so it seems to me... you see our union is forbidden by laws that we cannot break ourselves(though that does not mean she can't bend them so much so as to appear broken. But we must never abuse the laws for our own gain.). We'll probably have offspring, but I know with tissue engineering such a procedure is more than reversible. Utilizing advanced therapies, many cells in my body can be turned into sperm or eggs in the worse case scenario. I could actually use artificial wombs decades from now, to carry the child, I do not like the possible lifelong epigenetic changes to which a child can be subject to should the mother stray from the ideal diet... not to mention cellulite and the possibility of the girl of my dreams dying while trying to give birth. I also abhor random fluctuations, so all genetic flaws would have to be cleansed, and the artificial womb environment would have to be perfect.

I can edit the post for clarity if need be. Or can elaborate further if any doubts about my words lay within anyone.

PS
The girl I like is quite manipulative, far far far more than should be humanly possible, I'd like to say god-complex, she likes power differential plays no ordinary being would usually accept. But that's the way I like it, I'm twisted like that, and she has to have something in common with me too, no?

PPS

If anyone knows how exactly En Sabah Nur and Raven work their things out, feel free to tell me. It's different to our case, but very very related.

PPPS

I believe reversible sterilization should be an option to parents, the tech to do so is probably outhere already, it would avoid so many unwanted pregnancies. I also believe people should opt to be certified by an authorized body as apt for being parents.

That way you know whether your partner has chosen to be certified or not, which in itself would say quite alot. As in why hasn't he or she chosen to be evaluated in terms of physical and mental health and financial well being as well as capacity to handle a child in his or her life?

[MrFelony]

i was thinking about it last night and remembered that he told her she should get an abortion when she first told him. ya he is a giant douchapotomus

He is my kind of douchapotomus. The woman slept around on him and then blamed the result on him.

This wouldn't have been a problem if she didn't press it and more importantly told him that it may or may not be his.

they were meant to be together . and I think you should add douchapotomus to the spell check lol

[Ayanami]

I have to agree with everyone else here. The guy had no intentions of marrying the girl or being in the relationship for a long period of time,

You don't think 4 months is a long period of time? And I can't believe people think it was right of him to not tell her of his vasectomy when she said she was pregnant. What the hell, what good came out of this situation when he withheld that info? What ever. I am obviously alone here. As far as I am concerned both of these individuals are fucked up. The woman obviously has issues, and so does this guy, he is no saint.

I mean come on, he blatantly calls american girls stupid with the last little gem of a sentence. No one is offended by this?

[Eldo]

I mean come on, he blatantly calls american girls stupid with the last little gem of a sentence. No one is offended by this?

Well, I'm not an American, or a girl, or an American girl, so I don't take any offense to it.

It's obvious that the guy is a bastard. He wasn't looking for a relationship and didn't treat it seriously, as he said so. He was looking out for sex. Anyway, the chick is guilty for being a slut and trying to be manipulative, and the guy is just a prick.

[MrFelony]

no, i agree that it was wrong for him to not just be upfront about it instead of antagonizing her about it. but it was some major pwnage