I've passed the bar, and I'm on a mission from God.

Post by **psi29a** » Thu Apr 19, 2007 5:53 pm

A quick narrative. I always wanted a hopped up muscle car when I was younger. I couldn't afford one. Now I can, and I have one. It is a '70 Mustang, and her name is Bessie. Bessie is the prototypical juvenile, male-caveman, scratch your crotch and drink cheap beer car. Chromed engine, dual exhaust, 250 horsepower, big tires, tra la la la.

I'm driving Bessie on Beach Boulevard behind an ancient guy in a beat up truck. He decides to turn in front of me without a blinker. I accelerate to swerve and avoid him, and this assh*le, overaerobicized woman jumps in front of my car with her hand up.

Meet Ethel, the neighborhood busybody/nuisance. She proceeds to yell in my window, "Hey, slow down you %$&#@ idiot." I'm a well-bred, mellow guy by nature, so I ignore this. As I drive away, she yells, "assh*le" at me again. Twice? *&%$# that. I turn around and drive up next to her.

"Do you have a problem?" I ask.

"Yeah, why are you driving like an idiot?"

"I was driving like an idiot? How, exactly?"

"You were speeding. I watched you." "You were? I see. How did you measure my speed?" (Ever the interrogator, I am.)

"I heard you."

"So, you measured my speed by ear?"

"I can hear."

"How fast did you HEAR me going?"

"Look," she says, "I don't have to take this. Here comes a cop. I'll wave him down."

THE POLICE? This woman is a trip. She waves him down, and proceeds to tell him that she observed me speeding.

"What happened?" he asks. I told him the story, and told him that I accelerated to an indicated 30 mph (the speed limit is 50) to avoid a collision.

"Are those mufflers legal?" Ethel asks.

She's pushing it. I reply, "I have a C.A.R.B. exemption for them." I give the paperwork to the cop.

She tries to find another thing to screw me with. She says "What about those big tires? They CAN'T be legal. " I began feeling little overheated gears in the back of my head start to turn.

"These tires were available on the 1970 Boss 429, " I told the cop, " Which makes them street legal as a replacement."

Ethel gets angry. She whines, "So you're not going to give out any tickets to this assh*le?"

The cop says, "No, I am not."

I've about had it. So I say, "Sir, this woman told you that she left the street at the corner, and then she met up with my car here. According to Title 19, pedestrians have to cross the street at a right angle. This woman admitted she crossed at a 45-degree angle, which is a ticketable offense."

"What?" The cop looks confused.

"Also, she told you that she walked in front of my car to stop me. A citizen can't detain someone without probable cause, under Terry v. Ohio (My new favorite case). Since she couldn't measure my speed, she had no probable cause to detain me. That is an indictable offense."

The cop says, "But, I didn't see any of this."

"But," I said, "I did, and, as an officer of the Court, I can demand her arrest. I'll agree to dismiss the Illegal Detention charge, but I want her cited for not crossing at a right angle and Hazardous Conduct on a Public Street."

The cop called his Lieutenant, and after the cop told the story, he authorized the summonses.

She went home with $215.00 worth of traffic tickets, and they are worth a total of four points against her license, as well as the appropriate insurance surcharge!

Of course, if she demands a trial I won't prosecute. But the look on her face as she walked away was more than enough satisfaction for me.

Yeah, I've passed the bar, and I'm on a mission from God.

Pure Pwnage.

Post by **MrFelony** » Thu Apr 19, 2007 6:42 pm

hahahah that was awesome! maybe i should learn something about the alw

Post by **halfnhalf** » Thu Apr 19, 2007 7:44 pm

when i saw the title thread, i seriously thought psi actually passed the bar test...

Post by **Shaka Zulu** » Thu Apr 19, 2007 8:47 pm

Hehehe, typical that a lawyer gets his share of poetic justice outside of the court. Haha what a way to teach that nagging bitch.

Post by **MrFelony** » Thu Apr 19, 2007 10:24 pm

halfnhalf wrote:when i saw the title thread, i seriously thought psi actually passed the bar test...

me too lol

Post by **Khelegond** » Fri Apr 20, 2007 1:28 pm

The thread title remembers me of this...

Edit: if this is totally off-topic, please tell me and I'll delete it

Post by **Killfile** » Fri Apr 20, 2007 2:40 pm

This mall has everything!

Post by **Shaka Zulu** » Fri Apr 20, 2007 3:44 pm

Is that a scene from the Blues brothers? Hehe.

Post by **Khelegond** » Fri Apr 20, 2007 4:06 pm

Shaka Zulu wrote:Is that a scene from the Blues brothers? Hehe.

Yeah. One of the best movies ever.

Post by **Starnum** » Sat Apr 21, 2007 9:03 pm

Oh, sweet ass thread. BTW, Chaotic Good FTW!

Post by **Vicissitude** » Sun Apr 22, 2007 7:28 am

I'd say it was more Lawful Neutral. Following the law and punishing the wicked, but not for the greater good. More like using the law for personal (but not evil) gain.

Post by **Khelegond** » Mon Apr 23, 2007 11:57 am

Lawfull? You gotta be kidding me

Chaotic good is doing the right things the wrong way - Jake and Eliwood way.

Post by **Vicissitude** » Mon Apr 23, 2007 1:10 pm

Aw, screw you all off! Chaotic Neutral is the alignment for me!

Post by **MrFelony** » Mon Apr 23, 2007 6:02 pm

no, he is obviously lawful evil. he used the law to torch that woman when he didnt need to:p.

Post by **Khelegond** » Mon Apr 23, 2007 6:49 pm

Wait, are we talking about The Blues Brothers or the guy in the article? If is the guy, he's lawfull. Not evil, but I'll say neutral

Post by **psi29a** » Mon Apr 23, 2007 8:17 pm

Khelegond wrote:Wait, are we talking about The Blues Brothers or the guy in the article? If is the guy, he's lawfull. Not evil, but I'll say neutral

Blues Brothers are chaotic good, but the guy in the article is more lawful neutral.

However, I find it amusing that we use D&D alignment classifications as some form of official standard.

Post by **MrFelony** » Tue Apr 24, 2007 1:00 am

they should be put on your drivers liscense

Post by **Starnum** » Wed Apr 25, 2007 1:44 am

Heh, yeah, that was my point. I'M chaotic good.