Berserk Stupid theories

Post by **fieryshadowcard** » Mon May 08, 2006 3:40 pm

Sandman wrote:A little too much ass raping for me I am sorry, but your first post shouldnt be about ass raping it might give people the wrong impresion

Meh, I thought I was going overboard at the time. ^_^U Unfortunately, my theorizing about vaginal rape yielded much different results.

You see, it has been proven that unless a woman is raped by a troll, she will inevitably fall victim to insanity (with the side effect of a possible yet incomprehensible affection for the rapist) or untimely death (which yields no side effects whatsoever but plenty of disembowling and disfiguring), and that she does not have a choice which one. Being raped by a troll doesn't completely nullify these chances, but does minimize them considerably.

Furthermore, it has been confirmed that any woman who is saved from rape MUST inevitably fall madly in love with the man who saved her. If someone else rapes her at a later time, the results of that rape take precedence over the current aversion.

...and that's enough on this theory from me. I was just looking over the threads and figured it might be fun to try my hand, though I do admit that making my first post about ass rape most likely wasn't the best way to go.

All the same, nice to meet you all, and I hope to make posts about actual theories that have nothing to do with any form of rape in the near future.

Post by **Sandman** » Mon May 08, 2006 5:25 pm

Devil_Dante wrote:
Finito wrote:I still like the rape=+10lvl of swordsmanship theory, both griffith and guts were ass raped and became great swordsmen.
I guess we gotta wait to found out who got raped the best.

Guts had Donavan and Griffith had and old guy who could probably barely get it up.... so Guts is the better swordsmen

Post by **Finito** » Mon May 08, 2006 7:20 pm

Maybe Ganon was using more than his penis to rape griffith, Donovan had Guts for a short period of time during night, for griffith its still undetermined how long the rape actually lasted, he might of had invited some friends too. Maybe the age at which they were raped makes a difference too.

I think griffith and guts are pretty equal in swordsmanship, except griffith as less strenght, a fragile body and a weak sword. I wonder if griffith was as big as Guts and had a good sword to match Guts sword, who would win in a swordmanship fight. I guess we will never know unless Miura gives us the information about griffith's rape.

Post by **Sortep** » Fri Sep 08, 2006 11:05 am

New one. Ganshika falls in love with guts after his tremendous astral skull fucking and has to duke it out with slann to see who gets him in the end,.

Post by **Starnum** » Sat Sep 09, 2006 12:23 am

Here's a silly one...

The MW's forum poster Femto, knows that one day his namesake will be defeated, and is thus attempting to steer loyal fans away from the greatness of Berserk, so as to save face.

Post by **Sortep** » Sat Sep 09, 2006 12:47 am

yup

Post by **Skullkracker** » Sun Sep 10, 2006 8:16 am

So Ganishka is holding his forhead becouse:

a.) his scar is shaped like a penis, and he looks so ridiculous his armz would rofl

b.) HIS BRAIN IS LEAKING!!!

Post by **Dark_Zilo** » Mon Sep 11, 2006 11:26 am

Wow - 57 pages of the most stupid Berserk Theories ever made.
Never thought it would reach such heights when i revived this one.
Good to see our members imagination is infinite though.

To celebrate this mark (no it's not a normal celebration) i would like to invite all of the members to name their most stupid character in Berserk.

Then to open the hostilities here goes:
- mine is definitely the leader of the 100 men slain by Guts - i can't remember is name now but when i do i'll edit this part.

Post by **Sortep** » Mon Sep 11, 2006 11:42 am

I think that guy is Adon... and he was a moron....
I'd say mine would have to be.. the toothless old
bastard father of the little girl from the lost children
arc... that guy should've been eaten by something

Post by **Skullkracker** » Mon Sep 11, 2006 4:11 pm

mine has to be the little fairy girl who hasn't said anything important ever since she appeared

Mon Sep 11, 2006 4:15 pm

Nina the prostitute (from the inquisition part).

Post by **ddem1** » Mon Sep 11, 2006 4:26 pm

That fag who wanted to hire Gutts on that tournament

Post by **Khelegond** » Mon Sep 11, 2006 4:30 pm

Wyld.

By far.

Post by **Gattsblackfalcon** » Tue Sep 12, 2006 12:52 am

Nina , i hated that girl , its a shame that she wasn't killed , damn it ! .

Post by **Deathbringer** » Tue Sep 12, 2006 2:59 am

Khelegond wrote:Wyld.

By far.

Motherfucking Wyld.

Post by **Starnum** » Tue Sep 12, 2006 3:36 am

Sortep wrote:the toothless old
bastard father of the little girl from the lost children
arc

Zepec

Skullkracker wrote:mine has to be the little fairy girl who hasn't said anything important ever since she appeared

Ivalera

As for me, I really didn't like Mozgus, but Nina was pretty bad too.

Post by **Dagda Mor** » Tue Sep 12, 2006 7:51 am

I think I'll also say Adon; I didn't particularly hate him, I just wished he would hurry up and die already. The guy wan't interesting at all.

Post by **Skullkracker** » Tue Sep 12, 2006 10:34 am

but he made me lol

besides, he fucked up so many times, that it gave me a certain sense of satisfaction

I only wish he had a more painful death...

Post by **Sandman** » Wed Sep 13, 2006 6:06 pm

ok First time in a long time but after seeing The kushan army it came to me, here we go.

Ok with this big ass army approaching the holy city Griffith and the Pope just arrive, then Griffith says to the pope "Watch this" Jumps up to the outside turns into that white hawk and takes out the whole army in one swoop (off with all their heads

) and then returns to his Griffith state right before setting down in front of Ganashaka(SP?) The Emporer then laughs at Griffith and says "I know who and what you are and I know how to kill you" with that he starts to chant some spell that binds Griffith long enough for him to get one good hit in, which is all he needs. This doesnt kill Griffith but brings him to the same plan as a normal person ( Edit: so now he is no longer connected to the astral world to the extent he once was) . But Griffith is still powerful and destroys the rest of the Kushan once and for all. Wounded Griffith is taken back to Windom, with the pope anounceing that he is god and he can have what ever he wants he proclaims him self King and takes Charlotte as his wife while half way across the world Roddrick is taking Guts to the one place that can help him and Caska.... TO be continued

Post by **Starnum** » Wed Sep 13, 2006 6:18 pm

The king of Midland is already dead. Perhaps you mean the emperor of Kushan? In anycase, Griffith already exists on the physical plane (I assume that's what you meant, instead of "plan"). That's what that whole rebirthing was about during the pseudo eclipse at Albion, which involved the behelit apostle.

Post by **Skullkracker** » Wed Sep 13, 2006 7:02 pm

that's it: Ganishka is actually the king of Midland, which explains why he wants to take over Midland, destroy Griffith, and most importantly, fuck the princess

you have to admit: this IS a stupid theory

Post by **Sandman** » Thu Sep 14, 2006 12:19 am

Just what it will get better... and thanks Starnum you big quality control freak you

Edit: Here is the rest

Ok so Griffith is wounded from his fight with Ganishaka, who infliced some sort of wierd curse or seal on him so that he cant use his full potential. But with this seal Gani, also granted him a vision of his death... Guts running the Astral Blade (name of the Drangon Slayer after Elfheim

) through him. With that, and Griffith not knowing the extent of his injuries, sends out all his apostles expect Zodd to find Guts and Kill him.

Mean While Guts and crew return to the holy city to see that it has been restored, but word has spread that the Anti-Griffith is around and everyone trys to kill Guts. So Guts has to Sneak all the way to Windom. But there is an Apostle waiting around every corner and some times two or three. Guts easily dispatches the Apostles and gets to Windom were Zodd is waiting... TO BE Continued

Post by **Skullkracker** » Thu Sep 14, 2006 10:25 am

there is a single paraqdox in your story: Guts <--> sneaking

Post by **Sandman** » Thu Sep 14, 2006 7:24 pm

What Guts can sneak and dont say he cant because then I would have to prove you wrong

Post by **Finito** » Thu Sep 14, 2006 7:55 pm

Well heres some fresh theoriezingzor!!

Griffiths oftenly goes hunting on the back of apostles. He decides to go hunting and they leave. Griffith riding Zodd's dirty back which he never cleaned in his entire life, the others following on some flying terodactile looking apostles. While they hunt, one of the apostle is singing "Trying to catch me riding dirtyyyy, riding dirtyyyy!...". As evident as it was, they end up doing a contest with eachothers, the one who can shoot down the most cops. Everyone was speaking with their black accent(even griffith) and some apostles who forgot to bring their bows started to fight among themselves to get the others bow or use their body parts as projectile. The hunt started and lots of apostle balls, intestins, shit, head... were thrown down. After an hour, Griffith and the robinhood apostle were in the lead. They were eagerly looking at eachothers and trying their best to beat the other. Until Zodd got tired of the situation and shoved his hand in the apostle robinhood was riding's ass provoking his fall. Robinhood trying to get revenge, just before hitting the ground shoots an arrow hitting Zodds hairy left nipple. Robinhood's assbone broken was out of the competition and Griffith was in the lead but in a bad position, Zodds reaction to the arrow on the nipple propulsed Griffith backward and he was only able to grab himself to Zodds dirty tail before falling. The other aposltes were able to catch up, among which Gundrel who was watching the scene and getting jealous of Griffith riding on Zodd's dirty ass and was fantasizing about having that priviledge and that dirty ass.
Pissed of the situation, he couldnt take it anymore and went to ask Griffith about it, throwing out his feelings toward Zodd for a good 15mins, Griffith stops him to tell him "sorry did you say somethin NUKAAA Im just too high right now becuz of the smoke coming out of Zodds ass. Gundrel realising what he was saying was also due to that too since he was watching the scene from behind says to forget about it to Griffith. Some apostles who heard the conversation thought it was the best occasion to jump him and get him out. Gundrel resisting the assaults fiercely grinding apostle balls was still cornered behind Zodds position and his feelings came back! Hearing all the teasing from the apostles he started crying and his guard went down for an instant and lost his control ending up falling in the location where they were turning the LOTR movie!

The winner ended up being no one since it was a tie with a score of 0 for everyone, unfortunately there was no cop in the Berserk world.
An eventful and unforgettable day for the Griffith group, but a fearful day for the humans walking in all the apostle crap that was thrown down.
This day will forever be remembered by the name of Shitty Hunt Day.

Sorry didnt remember the robinhood guy name.

Evil Genius

Berserk Stupid theories

is this thread useful?