1 of the things i feared the most...

Post by **Oro** » Mon Aug 22, 2005 9:38 pm

Well today i overhead my parents talking about my...MARRIAGE to one of my cousin,1 part of me wants to marry her cuz shes fucking hot and other part is saying its kinda wrong cuz i am going out with someone(not as hot as my cousin btw) for a 8 months now and things are going very good with her.so confused right now...

Post by **psi29a** » Mon Aug 22, 2005 9:55 pm

I dunno what to say or offer as advice. Keep dating your current woman and chat with your folks about it (if you can). More importantly, is this cousin at least a few bloodlines removed? Not to say that it is wrong, there are biological reasons why family shouldn't inter-marry.

Not that it would harm your children but after a few generations, statistically speaking the problems become physically noticeable.

Post by **Devil_Dante** » Mon Aug 22, 2005 10:08 pm

Do you have a different reason to marry your cousin besides the fact she is hot?

Post by **Oro** » Mon Aug 22, 2005 10:16 pm

My family is VERY VERY anal about bloodline and stuff,they dont want it to be mixed with some other race,and also inter-marry in our family is going on for more than 3000 years. like i said 1 of the things i feared the most...

Devil_Dante wrote:Do you have a different reason to marry your cousin besides the fact she is hot?

No really...but i like hot girls so i might give in and yes i am very shallow.

Post by **Devil_Dante** » Mon Aug 22, 2005 10:17 pm

The other one you are dating, is she the same race as you?

Post by **Oro** » Mon Aug 22, 2005 10:21 pm

Devil_Dante wrote:The other one you are dating, is she the same race as you?

nope,not even close...

Post by **Devil_Dante** » Mon Aug 22, 2005 10:31 pm

I would have to say you should marry your cousin. But if you don't love your cousin, I have doubts your marriage will work.

I know older guys who had to do it too. They all married some far relatives. But in the end they all cheated on their women and still do.

I'm glad I'm not in your shoes.

Post by **MrFelony** » Mon Aug 22, 2005 10:36 pm

you never know, it coudl work out very well...and just look at the amish after all...though they are just plain fucking dumb about marriage

also its all about the people...if you ask me those guys you know are pigs but if i was in their shoes maybe i wouldnt be thinking that

. you can never really judge people unless you know where they are comig from after all

Post by **TheDarkness** » Mon Aug 22, 2005 11:06 pm

i hate it when parents start deciding this kinda stuff for their children...

Post by **Killfile** » Mon Aug 22, 2005 11:26 pm

The concept of marriage for the sake of love is a very modern and very western one. Older civilizations than our comparatively new one have much more entrenched ideas about marriage - largely not centered around romantic love.

Nazgul - while I don't know specifically what your cultural background is, I can make some pretty educated guesses based on your previous posts. The society you come from is undergoing a lot of changes for the first time in thousands of years.

The idea of marriage for the sake of familial, rather than romantic love is very very old. What shocks most Europeans (and Americans) is that there's nothing inherently wrong with it. In cultures where familial love is prized above romantic love, fewer marriages end in divorce and a lower rate of domestic violence.

Most individuals from those cultures view romantic love marriage as fickle and somewhat unpredictable.

The problem for Nazgul is that his culture is in flux. The young, like himself, are embracing the western model of romantic love, while the older generation prefers the idea of an arranged marriage. Nothing is wrong with either side of the coin, but there does exist an inherent conflict of interests.

Nazgul, ultimately you have to decide who you're willing to disappoint - yourself or your family. I would avoid looking to the western media for advice on this issue as it will universally tell you to follow your heart - singularly useless advise.

Think this though - it will be one of the biggest decisions of your life.

To Psi and those of you wondering about how close this relative is -- remember that we're talking about a culture that has preserved itself for thousands of years through clan marriages. Cousin can mean many things - and unless she's a first cousin (normally worthy of mention in such a culture) there's little risk of genetic problems in the children.

Time for some soul searching Nazgul. I don't envy you this decision.

Post by **Buzkashi** » Tue Aug 23, 2005 2:35 am

Are they forcing you? Or are they just suggesting it? I know in my family they always try and set you up with nice little afghan girls and they always try to get you married. The thing is that its not forced they just keep pushing it at you.

Like several people said man. I think you need to do what you think is right.

Post by **Necromancer** » Tue Aug 23, 2005 3:15 am

Nazgûl wrote:My family is VERY VERY anal about bloodline and stuff,they dont want it to be mixed with some other race,and also inter-marry in our family is going on for more than 3000 years. like i said 1 of the things i feared the most...

If that were close relatives your family seems to be fucked up soon... hehe... sorry... bad joke.

If you like/love your current girl stay with her.
Marrying your cousin just because she's hot is somehow stupid and wouldn't last long. But with the family aspects I don't know. After all it's your choice to take.

Didn't we have a similar topic a few months ago?

Post by **Buzkashi** » Tue Aug 23, 2005 3:27 am

Last month it was about stickin with his girlfriend or going after some other hott girl.

Post by **Oro** » Tue Aug 23, 2005 4:22 am

Sometimes i just hate my life...

Post by **Femto** » Tue Aug 23, 2005 5:50 am

The thing that matters the most is for you to be the person with the last word on the subject. Whether your decision was right or wrong in the larger scale of things will come eventually and that's something that happens to all of us. Just decide for yourself what is you think is right and deal with the consequences later and don't let parents/family interfere with your decision.

My two cents.

PS: Hot women exist by the dozen and it's probably better to look for something that'll last longer. Truth is, most of the hot women I've met are fucking retards with just a few, long-lasting exceptions here and there.

Post by **Oro** » Tue Aug 23, 2005 7:56 am

Femto wrote:The thing that matters the most is for you to be the person with the last word on the subject. Whether your decision was right or wrong in the larger scale of things will come eventually and that's something that happens to all of us. Just decide for yourself what is you think is right and deal with the consequences later and don't let parents/family interfere with your decision.

My two cents.

PS: Hot women exist by the dozen and it's probably better to look for something that'll last longer. Truth is, most of the hot women I've met are fucking retards with just a few, long-lasting exceptions here and there.

The thing i am worried about is that if i leave my parents like this and few years later ended up breaking up with gf then i'll be fucked,1 good thing about my family is that divorce is as common as loch ness monster or big foot,frankly in my life time i havnt seen even one divorce in my family.

Post by **Skullkracker** » Tue Aug 23, 2005 8:10 am

hmmm, interesting problem
I don't think I would wanna be in your shoes

though your cousin being hot makes it sound like you won't come out bad from this situation

(my grammer hurts)

unless you already have your heart set on either choice

Post by **MrFelony** » Tue Aug 23, 2005 8:12 am

damn good response kill, and finally something we agree on

. i was going to mention the earlier part about how arranged marriages tend ot work out better than chosen ones, but i wasnt exactly sure how accurate my view on it was. im gonna give that post a 9.5/10 hehe

and actually, i would go with the hot chick. just because a marriage is based around looks doesnt mean it cant be a happy one

. and f you work on it, im sure you two could fall in love, if not be happy with it. for a guy, he needs that first physical attraction and then he can build fellings upon the foundation. and if you ask me, im sure your parents have considered your wants and desires, along with the families. you say that divorce is unheard of...and why? probably because of the wise matchmaking they made...so im guessing they probably wouldnt have chosen someone you couldnt be happy with

. my two cents

Post by **Skullkracker** » Tue Aug 23, 2005 8:17 am

rate the post above you

(I haven't used it in ages)

Post by **MrFelony** » Tue Aug 23, 2005 8:18 am

reread it i edited it

Post by **Skullkracker** » Tue Aug 23, 2005 8:22 am

in my mind marriege does have sth to do with love

if I didn't feel that I could be beside her and live my life with her for the years to come in good and bad I would probably skip the chance

meaning: if I didn't want to divorce and be nagged to death before my natural time comes I would rather make my own choice, and blame myself it doesn't work out

Post by **MrFelony** » Tue Aug 23, 2005 8:41 am

most people arent able to make good choices for marriage

. and most people these days in the us seem to be unable to work out certain things and realize marriage is about fuckign sacrifice. if you dont get along withthe person you married 1. its your own damn fault (unless it was arranged

) and 2. its your responsibility to work it out.

Post by **Buzkashi** » Tue Aug 23, 2005 9:04 am

Well oro they were just talking about it right? I mean that doesnt finalize anything. Have they aproached you about it? The one thing that I dont like in this situation is the fact that your gona be married so young. I mean arent you 18?

Post by **Skullkracker** » Tue Aug 23, 2005 9:19 am

People used to marry even younger in Europe.

Post by **MrFelony** » Tue Aug 23, 2005 9:50 am

but lived half as long...and took on responsibilit about half as early as people who go to college and the such